i can see you

the dried red on the floor

the glint of cold stained steel

in the forever empty room

a weak foundation gave way

the tower collapsed

now the rubble is gone

now everything is gone

the stone is still turning

the ball of flame still reflects

from a white rock in the sky

everything is a true lie

have you found your answers?

have you found the infinite light of peace?

is there a great spiral beyond the sky?

something greater beyond the water?

is silence all I will know?

your blood is still alive in me.

your imprint in the sand is still there.

we will guard this passing moment

against the tides of history.

a watchfire in the darkness

armored against oblivion.

your memory will never die.

It's meant to be a little cryptic. What lies behind it is a short story and a long tale. In time, I will deal with the truth. For now, I can offer nothing more but this little piece of "emo poetry". It's a little longer than the shit I write in my school sketchbook - plenty of inspiration where it came from. The title is borrowed from Neurosis.

third eye

There are many sides to life in a state of strong, intensified perception, where every information from outside is amplified and shown in vibrant colour. This is perhaps one of the reasons why I heavily lean on music and especially seek out long-winded, colorful tracks. This is the draw of bands such as Tool, Isis or Neurosis and the source of my occasional forays into trance.

My perception of music is tuned at a level of almost synesthetic sensitivity, especially when combined with the right mood, going far beyond simply hearing a melody, into a realm of wild imagination, where tiny little worlds are briefly born, given motion and portrayed in front of my mind's eye.

Visions can come forth from various tracks - twisting combinations of vibrant lights, landscapes, shapes both moving and static, folding into patterns that dance in my imagination. Filtered through a matrix of associations, interpretation and reflection, even more specific visions can distill themselves from the swarming images.

For some examples...

Isis - Hym.

A vision I can't exactly explain, only portray.

A rusted anchor hangs from the gallow, strangled by a chain wrapped around the mid-section, near the ring where it should normally be fixed. It slowly sways in the wind upon the small, cemented port near a gray sea reflecting the gray sky.

Isis - Wavering Radiant

Most of this album is a game of vibrant lights against darkness, occasionally with elements that I can imagine based on scraps of lyrics or titles. For instance, Hand of the Host rotates between five lights. Hall of the Dead features some kind of underground tomb with a crack in the ceiling to allow a sliver of sun. Threshold of Transformation involves a yellow-golden fire transforming a greater spiritual being, embodying it in a little child blessed with power (recently, I've related that to Leto II, the God-Emperor of Dune).

Cult of Luna has one song that carries an immense load of emotion - Dark City, Dead Man. It has a strong autumnal vibe and I always see myself wandering in the titular dark city, an urban maze of cold cement, punctuated with bright orange streetlights, littered with falling leaves and drenched in the rain.

Tool's songs, such as Third Eye or Lateralus, unfold into simpler patterns, the most obvious one being a spiral, full of psychedelic colors.

Neurosis... Stones from the Sky, Given to the Rising, both of those involve an immense whirlwind, though the former involves - unsurprisingly - stones from the sky. "Purify" brings a sense of immense, shaking force from the explosions of white, burning light. I Can See You gave me the vision of three stones, suspended in a starry void above an endless ocean that reflects only the sky, with rings spreading from beneath those stones. They are, of course, turning - and turning, and turning...

This all may sound suspiciously like insane trips and I only have my own word for it, but I haven't experimented with psychedelic drugs in amounts suitable to embark on trips like any of these. In fact, I'd rather avoid that - combining drugs with such a wild mind might be risky.

Unfortunately, any portrayals of those visions on paper with my meager drawing skills are quite lacking. I can't really render them in any other form than words and pencil/pen scribbles. It's quite a shame...

isis live

Once news of Isis visiting Poland to play a show in the Proxima Club, in Warsaw reached me, I immediately put the date down in my mind. This was something I could not miss - my favorite band visiting a nearby club to play a show, a perfect chance to see them live.

Once the fateful day came...

The club was quite full by the time I got there. People gathered around drinks and chatted. I was alone, with noone to talk to, but I felt at ease. Most of them looked fairly normal, I didn't notice any obvious metalheads... There were of course pairs, some people wore Isis shirts, I noticed a Tool Aenima t-shirt as well.

The first supporter was Mamiffer, who began to play rather early. A cute keyboardist woman, a drummer with several strange tools, chains and other metal props and a man with bushy hair, a bushy beard and what seemed to be one of Aaron Turner's guitars, played with an E-bow. Their music was strongly based around the sound of a piano, but a dense atmosphere was woven by the strange tools the drummer used and the steady hum of an overdriven guitar.

Mamiffer was quietly appreciated and earned quite an applause from the crowd, which I eagerly joined in - really interesting music.

While they played, their music was filled with plenty of strange squeaks. And the same squeaking noises came back when Dalek came out to play. Dalek is a two-man band with one bald, tattooed guy handling two MacBooks and a sound console to process beats and provide a background for a rather overweight rapper. The sound was mostly obscured and I couldn't make out the lyrics. I kept putting down those squeaks as either part of the music or my ears being overloaded.

While Mamiffer ended fairly quickly, Dalek played for quite a long while, as the crowd thickened in anticipation of the main course. Once the support finished, a while of playback music aired. Musicians skulked around the stage, preparing instruments and effects. Among them was the guitarist of Mamiffer, which I thought to be slightly weird. Was he from Isis?

Then, the band gathered. Cheers broke out, eventually cut away by the first riff of Hall of the Dead - and then, the crowd went insane beyond all of my expectations. An intense mosh pit started up and I was on the edge of it, not so much standing as leaning on pretty much everyone in the crowd. And there I was, expecting a mellow crowd of dudes just swinging their heads in rhythm...

Of course, once the band had assembled, I realized that the guitarist was actually Aaron Turner himself. He does make a rather strange impression in his movements. He seemed somewhat removed or absent - not in that vacant, dumb way - it seemed more like he was focused on something else. That lasted until Aaron started getting into the music Isis played and swinging around his guitar - almost like a rock star.

The squeaks persisted thorough the show and I still didn't know where they came from - I still thought it was something with my hearing... However, some of the songs were recognizable - I could make out most of Hand of the Host and Ghost Key, but I couldn't recognize Holy Tears until the vocals came in.

After a powerful finish with Threshold of Transformation, Isis got off the stage - but obviously their stay was too short and they came back, summoned by the crowd's wild "ISIS!!!!!" chanting. They played Carry and Dulcinea. There was a dedication attached to Dulcinea, but I wasn't sure who was it directed at.

After the show, I felt positively drained... It was incredibly intense, even despite the shitty sound engineering - which was, as I learned later, responsible for the screeching noises. I regret not sticking around, though, as apparently you could meet Isis after the gig somewhere...

outside

I've started realizing something recently...

Every time I'm at school, I get to observe society...

The laughs and jokes people share. The physical and psychic forces pulling them together. Simple, wonderful, and yet...

I've come to realize that I can never truly be a part of it.

All of this I observe as if from behind a thin glass window...

Unable to reach, unable to place myself in this phase of reality. There is no doorway, nowhere to fit in.

I can communicate, I can sometimes find a way across the glass.

I can sometimes peer out from above that wall and find someone else, peering out as well, waving to me.

But I can never stay inside.

A part of me feels far too removed, leaning its metaphorical hand on the glass.

This feeling is much weaker among the Kuro, but still comes around sometimes to haunt me. Even there, I sometimes feel pushed back behind that glass...

watchfire

Some thoughts are too short to share on a blog.

Sometimes, there's something I can neatly encapsulate in a single sentence...

Short forms of expression are also something I greatly enjoy for quoting songs or short thoughts. F

Recently, the place to go to with this was Facebook. I'll probably continue posting on Facebook though, even as I simultaneously use Twitter...

Twitter is a fad though, isn't it? People gathered around it because it's a recent cool thing, there are even people using it for fierce marketing...

I'm not here for that. I merely recognize the merits of this form. The mundane occurrences and short thoughts can go there, easily sent from more and less remote locations.

For integrity, I've added my Twitter feed to the sidebar. I figured it makes sense.

Neurosis - Watchfire