the grudge

This will probably be another ambiguous post, but what I'm focusing on here are raw thoughts and feelings.

How does it feel to lose a friend?

A friend who once claimed I'm on top of her list, too.
But for some time, poison started to seep between us.
Words like knives. A slow and dawning realization that everything in her irritated me and brought me rage and hate to compensate with interest for the positive feelings.

The poison has finally taken hold.

A party last weekend. The arguments that finally broke the last straw.
This weekend, the Ro Kuro are going camping into the woods.
I was at first promised a spot in the same tent as her and our friend.
And after the weekend party, I was cast away. Apparently, the possibility of a conflict was far too great...

Look at what that decision brought.
We spoke. I saw the true reasons. I saw the venomous rash on the bond. I sought redemption - I thought I was forgiven, too.
Apparently not.

Only then did I realize how much of a grudge there already was. How this has freed me rather than brought me down. Freed me from the negativity.
I'm feeling better now.

You've brought this upon yourself. This is what you get.
I have not locked the door. I have not closed the windows. The path is not yet overgrown.
Yet those memories are slowly fading.

I hope you are not arrogant enough to think I will come back crawling and seeking further forgiveness though. I am beyond this. I am not going to rebuild this by myself. You shattered the bond - you pick up the pieces.

I hope you realize what you have done, though. Do you see it too? The blood from the bond, spilling out where people are already noticing it. This cannot last forever.

I will wait and see how this ends - for it has only begun.