purify

September was an interesting time. Many things happened in the space of those few weeks and I feel that I have learned a great deal about myself. I managed to clarify my view of the world, I managed to understand several things that were important me.

I feel like I've managed to become a slightly better human being.

I've realized the most important thing for me is creative communication with other human beings - to reinforce the positive spirit of unity within the Blacks, to maintain the bonds, especially those I tried to sever (only to realize severing them is not possible for me).

I am still full of multiple inhibitions originating from my social detachment, from problems with self-esteem and overthinking every little thing I do - but I've started chipping away at the walls, trying to act on my positive impulses, exploring the real boundaries instead of cowering behind the false boundaries I imposed on myself.

Nothing is final, though. This is a state that will waver, will fade. I may find myself gripped by hate and rage - and in fact, even after the lessons, I still do from time to time, but the grip is weaker and even through those emotions I keep focusing on what I've learned. Self-control is another important thing. I cannot let those emotions spill over and hurt others again.

On the average, though, my recent days have been far more positive. The rebuilt bond is as strong as ever, if not stronger. I know what I want and who I need.

p.s. Figured I might as well start including the songs I steal titles from.

Neurosis - Purify (Part 1) (Part 2)