tides

why are you drifting here my friend
why are you letting yourself sink
have the demons gotten to you
have you lost the will to swim
come back to the shore with us

they are grasping my feet
choking my breath closing my eyes
I can't see the shore anymore
perhaps this is where I belong

you must not stay here
the demons are mere lies
why would you let them hold you
we will lift you out
do not let yourself sink

and then I found my strength again
the shore came into sight
the weight became lighter
my hand broke the surface
and plowed the water

creativity

I'm a fairly creative person. My problem with this, however, is that I'm not very skilled at putting whatever visions or ideas I get into a form. I can't draw particularly well, my guitar skills have barely started to develop. What remains for me is writing. There are probably a few people who'd say I can write and operate words fairly well, though my Polish teacher would most likely strongly disagree...

Since a long time, I've engaged in a habit that started... well, I'm not sure when exactly. I write short pieces of something that vaguely resembles poetry - trying to give my feelings, thoughts and visions a form in words, more compelling than a mere dry relation.

I've already posted a piece of what I write here, but it was under different circumstances...

So I'm going to try and post some of the things I write in school and see if I can keep that up along with regular posts. This post will have two bits of poetry in it.

close

close your eyes you don't have to see
close your heart you don't have to feel
close your mind you don't have to think
close yourself you don't have to be
let us take your hand and lead you astray
think, feel and see for you
feed you automated lies
let us have our way
we will make you comfortable and safe
from dangerous truths

awake

you have awoken
eyes staring wide
you have finally seen
and you saw everything
crash into oceans to drown
a falling, burning bridge
tall spires and towers
everything came down
and you stood and stared
far too late to stop it
far too late to see it begin
now the sun is setting
but you haven't closed your eyes yet
pray that you never will

resolutions?

An old year has died.

A full cycle of death and rebirth has completed to give way to a new one.

Normally, a new year is a time of resolutions that people settle on, goals to achieve...
Meaningless statements that lose their worth within up to a month, broken before they start meaning anything.

From year to year, I've never arrived at any resolution for each new year. I never really bothered. If you should arrive at a firm resolution for something, you don't need a specific time for it. Any time is good. Any day is good. Whatever works to align your will and set it in stone. If you let yourself be pressured into a resolution, it will lead you only to failure.

I have a lifelong resolution, however. A sort of motto. It's not hard to guess from this blog, I think.
Evolve.
Create something, preferably something positive.
Move forward in spite of everything.

A new year is a good way to remind myself of this. After all, a new year is another blank slate that we write upon.
(Though, personally, I feel that my life is chaptered differently, not in years - but in phases of life.)

I'm not a Star Trek geek, but there's a line from the show, which I believe is Spock's, which is a motto I really like...

Live long and prosper.

the winter solstice

Another milestone in a cycle of death and rebirth.

The winter solstice holiday is one of those things I accept as a part of my spirituality, as something very important to everyone regardless of the faith they've chosen.
And yes, I'm talking about what majority of the world knows as Christmas.

I don't believe there is a culture that does not celebrate this solstice whatsoever. In every culture, all the important points in the annual cycle - including winter - have a holiday of their own.

The importance of the winter's solstice comes from the fact that on this day, the Sun stays up for the shortest time. After the Solstice passes, Christmas comes. The Fire, the Light, the Sun has been reborn, victorious against the night of Set and will now reinstate its rule over the night, slowly but surely.

So, if you still visit Backlit in spite of my recent silence...
I wish you a merry Christmas (or whichever solstice day you celebrate, but it's probably Christmas anyway) and a happy New Year.
Be creative. Evolve and develop. Stay healthy. Everything else will come to you as long as you live and breathe fully every day.

goodbye, father

Yeah, so in the end, I forgot to explain something I meant to explain 7th Dec. I've already posted the morbid news on Facebook, though, I've already received condolences.

The person who inspired creating this blog, a visionary, a creator and my father...
On 30th November, I returned from school to find a home of tears, to discover that on this day, my father has chosen to leave this world through death.

A sad fate, but in all this time I have already dealt with it. The moments of sorrow are gone. Acceptance came easily.

Now his body already rests in the soil, soon to be food to things of the earth. His soul, as I believe and hope, has found all the answers he ever wanted.

So, just one last time.
Goodbye, Father.

fear

I have come to understand a few more things about death.

I do not fear the fact itself that I will die. In fact, I'm curious as to what's on the other side. I want to know, I want to see, but I may not get any answer until I leave the chains of this world behind.

However, I'm afraid of what would happen if I were to die, especially as it is today.

There would be a price to pay - a price of sorrow, paid from the tears of those closest to me. No matter how few or many they are, they would have to pay for the answers I would find.

There would be a void left behind, a void impossible to fill in.

I would probably feel guilty.
I do not want freedom at such a price.

There are so many things I haven't done or experienced. There are things I haven't told to those I love. There are places I want to see. This, also, is something I cannot ignore.

This is exactly why I want to live.

p.s. I'm taking the Twitter gadget off - it has gone insane for some reason, showing a certain "undefined"s tweet feed.

i can see you

the dried red on the floor

the glint of cold stained steel

in the forever empty room

a weak foundation gave way

the tower collapsed

now the rubble is gone

now everything is gone

the stone is still turning

the ball of flame still reflects

from a white rock in the sky

everything is a true lie

have you found your answers?

have you found the infinite light of peace?

is there a great spiral beyond the sky?

something greater beyond the water?

is silence all I will know?

your blood is still alive in me.

your imprint in the sand is still there.

we will guard this passing moment

against the tides of history.

a watchfire in the darkness

armored against oblivion.

your memory will never die.

It's meant to be a little cryptic. What lies behind it is a short story and a long tale. In time, I will deal with the truth. For now, I can offer nothing more but this little piece of "emo poetry". It's a little longer than the shit I write in my school sketchbook - plenty of inspiration where it came from. The title is borrowed from Neurosis.